After he disappears

My boyfriend actually disappeared twice. The first time he changed his mind and convinced me that he actually did not intend to disappear. To this day I have no idea what made him change his mind.

When he stopped answering the phone and the texts I thought something happened to him. I had never had a man disappear on me before, so I didn’t even consider that he chose to disappear. I had no reason to believe that, we were together for 2 months and things were going well. Or so I thought.

And then it hit me: it was the situation you read about on love forums and always wonder how people can do it. He had disappeared. What hurt me the most was the lack of respect with which he decided to end the relationship. There had been no argument, we had date plans and his last words were : kisses, my love. My mind could not comprehend why he would do such a thing.

I started replaying every word and every situation in my mind, maybe it was something I said or did? But then, why hadn’t he said something? Why had he reassured me everything was OK, create hope for the future and then disappear?

I made a list of things that I did too soon or maybe things I shouldn’t have done or things I could have done better and just felt bad.

It wasn’t that I was madly in love with him or that I believed he was my soulmate, it was the fact that he led me on, gave me hope and then suddenly just threw me to the trash.

In the end I understood: it doesn’t matter what you did and what you could have done better, all that matters is that this man chose to disappear, chose to hurt you and leave you wondering. Even if i had done everything perfect, it would have still come a time when he would have decided to disappear for whatever reason. So I am thankful it happened sooner rather than later.